The Case for a Paradoxical Life
Why be one when you can be many?
Society is basically inertia. Have you ever wondered why there is so much pressure from society and ourselves to behave "consistently"? We automatically stick to expected patterns and discard anything that doesn't fit. When we don't stick to the pattern, a nagging voice shames us with unnecessary calls of hypocrisy or inauthenticity or whatever crap.
Let me give you a few examples to show what I mean:
- You may care about animal welfare but also enjoy eating meat.
- You may love reading but struggle to finish a book.
- You may enjoy learning but hate attending school or college.
- You may be very social but hate going to parties.
- You may value honesty but tell white lies now and then.
- You may be highly organized at work but messy at home.
- You may value environmental sustainability but still drive a diesel car.
- You may be adventurous, but be a homebody.
- You may love children but not want to have any.
- You may enjoy having strong opinions and creative ideas but not sharing them with the public.
- You may be deeply empathetic but struggle with expressing emotions.
- You may be passionate about fitness but hate going to the gym.
- You may love being a morning person but hate getting up early.
- You may love fashion but hate shopping.
- You may be a feminist but still enjoy traditional gender roles.
- You may be an atheist but celebrate religious festivals
- You may be a person who values scientific temper but follows superstitious traditions
So on and so forth
It's like a mould we like to stick to unconsciously, and we beat ourselves up when our internal selves struggle to conform. But why do we conform to one way or the other... a neat, easy-to-explain pattern?
We're naturally inclined to seek patterns and order in the world around us and within our identities. Society places a high value on stability and coherence, and our brains are inherently designed to crave predictability. We even notice patterns where none exist. It's the damn Neocortex! This part of our brain drives us to organize the chaos around us, relentlessly seeking patterns and order. Sure, it helps us make sense of the world, but it's also responsible for that nagging urge to create neat, predictable narratives, even about ourselves. It's why we feel pressured to fit into consistent identities and why we experience discomfort when we don't.
When we expand this idea, we see that social structures also depend on predictability in order to function smoothly. This leads to a cultural preference for predictability over unpredictability. There is an unspoken expectation to adhere to the identities and roles we have claimed in the past. It's funny how we can't redefine our identities because of our earlier selves. The pressure to avoid contradictions encourages people to embrace clear, easy-to-understand, and predictable labels. From an evolutionary perspective, consistent behaviour may have been linked to survival. Consistent behaviour might have allowed early humans to establish predictable roles within groups, aiding cooperation and collective survival.
Many believe being authentic means being unchanging, but this is a limited view. Authenticity can involve growth and change, which come with embracing contradictions. However, we often feel compelled to present a "true" self that never wavers, thinking that any deviation is a betrayal of our real identity. There is no one fixed "true" self. This pursuit of presenting an unwavering self comes at the cost of being dishonest to ourselves and to others to whom we present our identities.
It all makes sense from a cognitive and evolutionary standpoint. However, humans aren't solely driven by instincts. We have the ability to rise above our basic instincts thanks to our capacity for self-reflection, critical thinking, and intentional change. That's what makes us unique. While evolutionary explanations help us understand historical behaviours, they don't necessarily dictate what happens in today's world. Cognitive science can explain the why, but it doesn't mean we're incapable of change. We're far more adaptable and capable of redefining our behaviours than these explanations alone would suggest.
Okay, but why should we go against the grain and embrace chaos? I don't mean any kind of chaos. I mean the kind of chaos that feels true to us without the burden of the need to conform to neat patterns. By embracing the aspects of ourselves that don't neatly align with society's expectations, we can cultivate a deeper understanding of who we really are. The contradictions we experience aren't flaws; they're simply reflections of our multifaceted identity. When we embrace chaos, we free ourselves from the need to constantly explain or justify our choices. Rather than bending to the world's need for orderly patterns, we get to define our own way of being, unencumbered by societal judgment.
By embracing our own version of chaos, we can develop resilience and adaptability. Flexibility makes navigating life's inevitable shifts easier because we're not bound to a specific pattern. Chaos leaves room for growth. It allows us to explore new aspects of ourselves and discover unexpected paths. The freedom to be inconsistent lets us experiment, learn, and evolve without being confined to a static identity.
Our brains might crave patterns, but that doesn't mean we must follow them mindlessly. Choosing chaos lets us challenge our brain's need for order and explore paths that go beyond what feels predictable or safe. This encourages creativity and new perspectives that can only come from stepping outside the lines. By breaking free from these moulds, we're not just resisting societal inertia but actively choosing a path that aligns with our values and aspirations.
Hypocrisy is sometimes a judgmental, made-up concept invented to keep us in line. To conform. I'm not referring to the lying and deceiving kind of hypocrisy. I mean the kind where our choices don't fit into the expected patterns or moulds. Living a paradoxical life means rejecting that mould, embracing our contradictions, and finding the freedom to live fully and authentically.
Why Be One When You Can Be Many?